I hate this fucking season. It’s the season where I’m just chronically tired bc there’s hardly any fucking light ever. I miss people that are long gone, I resent the ones that are left, and I just want to curl into a ball and cry and sleep until Spring. Fuck winter and fuck the holidays that come with it and just…. Fuck.
Tag: personal
I got up this morning after six hours of sleep and thought – ok, today sucks already because I’m cold and tired but maybe I can get some writing done. I walked into work this morning to hear my most offensive coworker complaining about a professor very reasonably giving a young woman an extension on turning in some work because she’s dealing with a Title IX incident (for my non-US followers, that means that she’s either been harassed or assaulted). I – am currently sitting here trying not to clench my fists, or my teeth, because I’ve said what I could say without actually getting into a shouting match with the coworker in question (much as I’d like to), and yet I am still incredibly angry because no, you do not just “get over” fucking sexual harassment, it’s fucking traumatic, and GODS this woman is a piece of shit. Also, it’s the start of fall and I just kind of want to curl up and not deal with anything for the next six months or so because fuck winter and the cold and the dark, that’s why.
That sound you hear? Is my head thunking gently against my desk.
Just – it should not be hard to check a damn spreadsheet, one that someone has compiled themselves, twice a year or so, and make certain that everything is on track. It should not be hard to look, go “this student should have returned for this semester and hasn’t” and freaking process a withdrawal. I should not be coming behind another department and cleaning up their mess by doing their damn cross-checking myself when I had already sent them a message earlier in the summer specifically asking if this needed to be done for anyone. I should not be going down a spreadsheet line by fucking line to see if they’ve fucked something up over there by not sending me a notice or just plain old not goddamn checking their own data. And everyone over here wonders why it is that the head of the department is so incredibly fed up with their admin assistant – gee, I wonder fucking why!
We have procedures in place for a reason and if this shit isn’t done properly, guess who gets hit with the crap that rolls downhill? I’m done. I’m saying something to my boss on this because I’m not taking the fall when these people’s fucking incompetence blows up in all our faces.
@flintstille replied to your post
Shit. I’m sorry dude �� *hugs* And for the record none of what you said sounds selfish at all
*hugs* thank you. I feel like I’m really not taking his side of things into account the way I should but this isn’t the first time he’s done this, either, and it hurts a little bit more every time because he just… cuts and runs when it suits him and leaves me holding the shit sack every time, then wants to know why I’m angry and hurt, and he’s just going to do that again here. Like – on the surface of it, I get why he does this, but it doesn’t make it any less selfish on his part.
And today on “Who Gives a Shit About Meg,” we have: my brother calling to tell me that he’s cutting off all contact with our father and that, as the said shithead father’s executor/power of attorney, I’m to “let (my brother) know after he dies.” I love the support and the willingness to take responsibility and help me deal with things. Oh wait. Whoops, that should read, “I’d love to not be entirely on my own to deal with anything that might come before that including any costs accrued in the process of dealing with his old age, but yet again, here I stand, utterly without recourse to any family member willing to help in case of emergency.” I’d love to say “oh, I’m cutting off contact as well, good luck dad,” but some of us are actually adults who recognize that someone has to take care of business on the off chance that he doesn’t just die of a massive stroke or a heart attack in the middle of the night and actually accrues hospital bills/develops more mobility issues/lives long enough to start to physically deteriorate to the point of needing care (and no, he can’t afford a retirement community or he’d probably be in one by now).
Just… what the fuck did I ever do that my family has decided I can take every bit of shit they want to pile on me without breaking?
I feel you.
Thanks. I’m just tired of having people take for granted that I’m going to be there to pick up the pieces when they fuck up time and time again and don’t listen to me when I tell them not to do the thing because it’ll backfire.
that feeling when you send an old friend an email just to check in since you haven’t heard from them in a while and get a two-pager back telling you about their exciting life full of travel and fun things and can’t quite bring yourself to email back to report that you’ve been working. And working. And going to work, and sleeping a bit here and there, and wondering where the fuck you went wrong that they’re doing well for themselves and you’re stuck in a 9-5 that feels like it’s sucking the life out of you day by day.
Ugh. I started out today by being late to work because they’re slowly closing pretty much every road that leads to the place I work or doing construction on it and I didn’t realize that one part of my route was going to be obstructed. I’ve continued with a crick in my neck that’s been there since yesterday and that makes moving my head a little painful. I’ve spent part of the day with everything looking closer than it is bc that’s what my head does when I’m this tired, and on top of it the database I work with has managed yet again to screw something up such that I check it, everything looks good, and somehow by the time it gets to my coworker to get checked over, it’s wrong. My desktop fan gave up the ghost about an hour ago, and I’ve gotten next to no writing done save at lunch because I’ve been snowed under completely. I’m currently letting my phone charge for the next hour because with my luck, this day will culminate in my car dying on me on the way home or something similar.
In short, I’m tired, I’m frustrated, I hurt, and exactly nothing has gone right today.
Gods I hate people who have huge happy fucking families and can’t seem to understand that asking about mine/wanting photos for cutesy shit like photo collages fucking hurts. What part of “my family died like the plague had hit around the time I was ten to fifteen” is so hard to fucking grasp?
Meg's Mumbles 