complaininginthedark:

DON’T READ IF WOUNDS AND BODY TRAUMA ARE UPSETTING. This is NOT a happy post and it will never be. 

Thomas had one hell of a bad ride for ten years so his body is…. it is not the same as it was when he was in London and living a good, warm, safe life. 

Before Shit Went Down he was:

• Soft tummied
• Lithe and strong but not defined muscle-wise
• Prone to being breathless after running. Not exactly fit because he was a Lord right? didn’t need to be doing hard work
• No scars beyond a few from having a brief bout of Acne or chickenpox as a kid. Maybe one or two from falling out of trees when he was free enough to actually BE A CHILD DAMN IT

After Shit Went Down everything is different. 

After Bedlam he was thin, bony, pale and gaunt. He had sores and new scars on his wrists, back, thighs, all from experiments and efforts to “cure” him. Blood letting, whipping, fighting with other inmates, self harm… it all happened. He did attempt to take his own life at one point but didn’t cut deep enough and was punished for it by being put in a cell alone for a week. 

After Bedlam he doesn’t speak for three and a half months. He is traumatised and in shock and he can barely do anything but obey simple orders, eat, sleep. Forget anything about laughter or forming relationships or friendships; Thomas isn’t there for those months after Bedlam. He wasn’t there for the last year and a half in Bedlam either. 

At the Plantation he eats healthier meals and the sunlight makes his skin a golden colour. It bleaches his hair almost white, joined by the grey as he ages. The work is hard, back breaking, and he breaks his ankle in the first year. It isn’t set quite right by the doctor and it pains him every winter after. If they disobey or become too rowdy they are beaten by the guards. Thomas didn’t get beaten often at first because he was too weak in body and mind to do anything. Later he is beaten more. 

He has scars on his legs from the knives and scythes they cut the cane with. A deep one on his inner thigh that almost cost him his life. His hands become a mess after being crushed under a cart that fell on another worker, he tried to lift it and it fell on his hands after the man was freed. He can hold a hoe and work after but can’t do the cutting, he’s not good enough at it then. He gets arthritis early in life compared to most because of his work there. 

The only good thing is that his body is strong after the plantation. His muscles are defined, thick, he can lift men bodily off the ground without breaking a sweat. He can heft large bales of sugarcane over his head, can throw them hard and far. After a few months, after he has learned that talking is alright to do again, he asks for his clothes to be re-sewn because they’ve grown too tight on his arms and legs. 

But he flinches when he is measured. He flinches when there is a loud sound, loud laughter or the clatter of metal on stone, harsh words spoken in harsher tones, even the crow of a rooster can make him jump in fear. 

His eyesight isn’t as good as it was, either. Years of dim light in Bedlam and harsh sunlight in Savannah coupled with a genetic propensity to bad eyesight combined make things hard. He can’t read well anymore, something that makes him tired and weary to his bones, makes him cry silently whenever he thinks about it at night. 

When James is dragged bruised and beaten to Savannah, Thomas is only recognisable by the light colour of his eyes, the brightness of his smile and the fact that James would know him even if he were blind and deaf. He would know Thomas’ aura, for a lack of a better word, anywhere. 

With a little care and time James manages to work some of the stiffness from his body and the pains lessen more in Spring and Summer than they had in the years previous. 

But even when he reaches his fiftieth birthday he feels about seventy. Tired, broken, dysphoric in a way because of how alien his body still is to him. James helps, but only so far.