Tag: funny

dead-winter-reigns:

kanafinwhy:

misbehavingmaiar:

imindhowwelayinjune:

vardasvapors:

So. A guy who calls himself “Lord of Gifts” has a big workshop in a land full of holly where he tells a bunch of elves to make cool objects. Later he travels around the world dropping off these cool things as presents for people who he thinks show potential.

I’m not sure where I’m going with this, but I choose to believe it would work if I could think about it long enough.

SANTATAR

OH

He sees you when you’re sleeping,
He knows when you’re awake,
And if you don’t give him your rings,
He’ll impale you on a stake.

candlewinds:

I just rewatched the “in my head you are not welcome” silverflint scene in 3×01 and I had to pause bc, okay, right, some THINGS™ :

  • first thing’s first: what was the ORIGINAL AIM?!? silver clearly has some stuff to say to flint, right. he’s got a speech. he’s planned this. he’s been lying awake, writing it all in his head, romantic hurdy gurdy inevitably playing in the background of this imagined scene. so he carefully opens the door and walks in very slowly, and keeps on GLANCING FURTIVELY over at sleeping flint as he gets closer and closer, seemingly with no intention to…actually wake him…in the near future…?!? just [glance glance] yep still sleepin’ :o) [glance glance] stillllllll sleeeeepin’ :o)
  • you know what I would’ve done if I had something to say to the captain but the captain was sleeping. I would’ve maybe, I don’t know, been like, “hey…hey captain. wake up.” I’m not an EXPERT but I think that’s a pretty good first step, in accomplishing the whole getting someone to wake up thing.
  • I know it’s not unusual for billy (and by extension, for silver) to pop a squat and wait for flint to wake up to deliver him news, but why is silver just sneaking up on him like that?! what is this boy doing!!!!
  • was john just going to sit there all up close, take a lil breather, watch flint’s chest rise and fall?! surreptitiously wipe the dust off his bald head?!? check for new nose hairs?! examine flint’s rings?! WHAT WAS THE PLAN?!
  • meanwhile, you’d think flint – James “Idk What to Do When My Personal Space is Invaded wAHHHH THOMAS IS LEANING IN HE’S LEANING IN-” Flint – would stir a bit upon hearing someone enter his room when he’s in a vulnerable position and not fast asleep, but the man is just…lying there, as peaceful as can be, eyes unopened, waiting for silver to get close enough, so that he can……tease silver…about not being sneaky enough……*chin hands*
  • you’d also think that after like, a second or two, he’d sigh exasperatedly and get up to talk to his quartermaster properly. but this tired sweet potato is like, “no. lying down. lying down is good. whisper voice is good.” JOHN IS TRYING TO HAVE A SERIOUS CONVERSATION AND FLINT IS JUST…[half asleep] “run ur hand over my head john it’s a lil dusty up there”
  • okay that isn’t in the script but
  • john: [insistently] “I understand we faced colonial regulars out there last night” flint: [horizontal, eyes still closed, grumbling quietly] “……so >:(”
  • ^^^ IS IN THE SCRIPT?!?!
  • “so what john. so we faced colonial regulars. so you turn around and face the door. so you keep facing it, as you walk toward it, and leave me alone. so your face is sexy john” “WHA-” “so, I’m sleeping john. I need my beauty sleep, john.”
  • is this a regular occurrence then. silver just…walking in on Flint Nap Time and blathering on and getting no response. like. “billy just got eaten by a shark” “…..so” “but it turned out the shark was gates, come back to life” “………so.”
  • the ship gets all creaky at one point and flint is just swinging side to side on his lil bed inarguably thinking, “maybe this thing will just fling me out the window. jsut fucking. fling me out. that’ll be a story. CAPTAIN FLINT CAN FLY!!! D: WHAT NEW HORRORS WILL WE DISCOVER NEXT”
  • flint finally stands up (A MIRACLE!!!) and silver is literally just gesturing wildly and yelling while flint is like, pinching the bridge of his nose, deciding, just moments after, that standing up was indeed the Worst Decision of His Life, one more regret to add to the running list of regrets. dear diary, never should have stood up when the curly was speaking. thirty fifth time I have made this mistake. not to worry, tomorrow is a new day. another new, insufferable day, woo fucking hoo-
  • “in my head you are not welcome” “…….but I can still just waltz in here and watch over you while you sleep right. like that’s still cool, yes?” “oh yeah no that’s good we’re all good with that” “kay just checking”
  • alternatively:
  • “in my head you are not-” “BUT WHAT ABOUT IN YOUR BED AM I RIGHT?!? [finger guns] OHHHHH!! OHHHHHH-”
  • Local Quartermaster Slain by Captain/Lover for One Bad Joke Too Many: Next on Pirate News
  • WHAT WAS THE PLAN, JOHN?!?!?

firebirdeternal:

lesbianshepard:

lesbianshepard:

lesbianshepard:

lesbianshepard:

my favorite out of context quotes from my archeology professor so far in no particular order

  • and floridians are just as human as you and me!
  • and the moral of the story is that there are no deadly snakes native to alaska
  • you might know this guy as one of the only archaeologists cool enough to be mentioned by indiana jones
  • it’s my dream to have my name said by harrison ford
  • i’m not going to apologize for having this class at 6am because you paid for it and it’s your fault. 
  • we don’t all dress like lara croft. i tried to get it to be a thing on a dig and my colleagues yelled at me. 
  • they were pretty good archaeologists except they were too racist to realize anything they found. 
  • i take back what i said about us not dressing like lara croft because lewis binford here is wearing nothing but short shorts and a cowboy hat. take notes for an academic halloween costume!
  • archaeologists can be good artists! not me, though. or anyone i know. but if you can draw just know you have options.
  • sometimes you find dead bodies when you dont really expect it and you just have to deal with it
  • archaeologists are the only people allowed to get exited when they find corpses. 
  • once i ruined thanksgiving dinner when i told my family i had gotten my degree in archaeology and my uncle commented he liked dinosaurs too
  • the closest i’ve ever been to a grizzly bear is when i left my glasses in my tent on a dig in alaska,  saw a big rock in the distance, and almost screamed

additional quotes

  • ah yes. archaeologists. or, as i love to call us,  pottery analysts
  • i mean he was kind of a good guy for helping us beat britain but he owned slaves so that really cancelled it out.
  • archaeology is like cultural anthropology, except after you interview the person you turn around and shoot them in the head.
  • do not use trees! trees are bad! don’t do it!
  • usually you find shards, but it’s super exciting when you find a really big shard
  • it’s basically like a waterpark, except you’re fully clothed and walking through a dark tunnel knee deep in muddy water. so, basically splish splash.
  •  i dont believe in curses but my colleagues and i like to encourage the idea of them so people stop touching our stuff
  • usually, you would find a knife in a kitchen. or underneath your pillow to really freak out your roommate who is a history nerd and has no idea why you would sleep with a knife under your pillow and he’ll get really scared and freaked out and okay i’m getting off topic
  • no matter what the other scientists say, archaeology is a real science.
  • don’t worry, i promise you, and whatever government agency that’s spying on me right now,  that i’m not a crazy communist trying to overthrow the government
  • by now you’ve noticed the big “POP QUIZ” written on the board. there isn’t one, but i wanted to see the looks on your face when you saw it. but you’re all dead inside so it’s not really funny.
  • everything was fine except the citizens of pompeii just woke up dead the next day
  • the number one question you should ask when you read old archaeology papers is “how the hell do you know?”
  • nothing pisses off old men more than young people asking “why” and “prove it” so do that as often as possible
  • this is incredible! all it takes is a computer the size of this room!

even more from the margins of my notebook!

  • when in doubt, it’s ritualistic
  • coprolites are the only shit archaeologists get excited over
  • i know the only reason you’re not laughing at my hilarious jokes is because it’s early 
  • they called it the garbage project. which is also what people call the projects i work on when we apply for funding.
  • what you have to realize is that people are fundamentally weird. they do weird stuff now and they have done it thousands of years ago.
  • things come and go but pottery is forever
  • i dont know if you all know this but moose are terrifying abominations. 
  • and today’s lesson is about the difference between dirt and soil!
  • please, please, please do not eat old butter you found buried in a bog.
  • normally i would say this blackboard is a feature because it isn’t portable and can’t be moved but this is a community college so who knows

one of my biggest fears is that this will get so many notes that someone in the class will see it and show it to the professor and he’ll realize half the notes ive been taking in class are jotting down the weird shit he says

I want to take this class????