I just realized I haven’t told you guys about how 3rd President of the United States Thomas Jefferson haunts my dorm room.
Okay so basically at the beginning of the year, weird shit began happening in our dorm room, me and my roommate would hear/see things, TVs and phones and computers would start on there own and do other weird things.
We decided jokingly that the room was haunted and named the ghost Jeff and even made it a door tag.
Me and my roommate began to notice a trend it the activity of “Jeff” He always seemed to act up most when I talked shit about Thomas Jefferson or James Madison’s personality/policies/etc.
We began to joke that it was Thomas Jefferson or James Madison (hell we even joked it might be Dolley)
Well the other day, our ghost confirmed himself as “Thomas Jefferson.”
After a particularly rude attack on Thomas Jefferson character (I claimed the best thing he ever did was die.) A fucking giant ass jumbo size box of Mac and Cheese fell off of the tallest shelf in our dorm room.
I’m talking one of these babies but it’s like a 20 pack. To me it’s obviously that this is obviously proof that “inventor” of mac and cheese, 3rd President of the United States who was born and died in Virginia travelled to Upstate New York in an area he never even came close to in his life to haunt my dorm
My roommate is not convinced though: She still thinks it could be James Madison.
But a Madison-sized ghost couldn’t have reached the mac and cheese (We conducted an experiment to see if Madison would have been able to reach it when he was only 5′4″ and being 5′4″, I couldn’t even reach it jumping up and down.)
So yes, me and my roommate have proved undeniable that Thomas Jefferson haunts our dorm room.
Also she pointed out that we randomly named the ghost “Jeff” which is pretty fucking close to Jefferson. Coincidence? OBVIOUSLY NOT.
“But a Madison-sized ghost couldn’t have reached the mac and cheese”
I’m so glad I was alive to see this sentence written.
‘Pink and purple. They’re pretty. I used to liked yellow but I got fed up with it.’ She stares into the distance. Suddenly this five year old child in her flowery dress with matching ribbons in her hair has become a battle-hardened veteran. She’s seen some shit.
‘Too many things are yellow now’. If this were a movie she’d knock back the last of her whiskey and get up from the bar. I know in my heart of hearts this kid is sick of minions.
– Galadriel, to her uncle Fingolfin, explaining where exactly her brother Finrod has been these past years, the Silmarillion
GOP: We must follow the Constitution THE THE LETTER ALL THE TIME NO MATTER WHAT BECAUSE THE FOUNDING FATHERS!
Me: Oh, okay. Glad you mentioned that. See, here’s this thing in the Constitution where it says that the president shall appoint Supreme Court Justices, and now that there’s a vacancy on the Supreme Court, President Obama’s Constitutional duty is to appoint a new justice.
GOP: But Obama is in his last year of office!
Me: You mean like Ronald Reagan was when he nominated Anthony Kennedy?
GOP: But
Me: Yeah, go ahead and say something critical of Ronald Reagan.
GOP: Well. He. It. See. Ronald Rrrrreee…
Me: I’ll wait. Take your time.
GOP: RrRrrrOoooonnnnaLllddddddd…….
Me: Are you okay?
GOP: Rrrrrreeeaaagggg gggg gggg gggg ggbbzzt bzzt bzzzzzt
Me: Are … are you having a system freeze?
GOP: (a)bort, (r)etry, (f)ail?
Me: Let’s go with fail. That’s what you’re best at.
Meg's Mumbles 