Tag: dear coworker

Dear Coworker,

The only reason that you have not had my brand new stress ball bounced off your forehead is that I like my stress ball and I try – some days much harder than others – to be a decent, calm, professional person that doesn’t do things like that. 

In Extreme Frustration,

Meg

Dear Coworker,

As a hint, when someone asks you to repeat yourself because they can’t hear you, doing it even lower and more quietly is not going to help, you useless noodle. 

Sincerely, stop making me repeat my question,

Meg

Dear Coworker,

Thank you so much for trusting me so much that you decided to go check with the boss about something I had told you the minute that I had left the office to go to the bathroom. Thank you for not having the grace to even look vaguely ashamed of yourself when he backed me up. Gods forbid you fucking trust that I know what I’m doing. It makes me feel so fucking appreciated, let me tell you.

God I Can’t Wait For You To Retire,

Pagan

Dear Coworker,

You are not the only one that can handle things in this office. Please sit down, catch your breath, and accept that the situation has been handled (yes, without you here. Remarkably, the rest of us are competent and don’t tend to wind people up the way you do with your complete lack of chill!)

In Perpetual Irritation

Pagan

Dear Coworker,

You were off last Friday. You were off on Monday. You’re off again tomorrow. I started off the week having to do your job and I’m going to have to finish the week doing the same damn thing. Do you think you might want to sit down at your damn desk and do your job today instead of standing around talking to second boss and probably irritating the shit out of her with your frankly classist, racist, misogynist, ableist, Republican viewpoint?

No?

That’s…. kind of what I expected really. I’ll just sit here and quietly run the office, shall I?

Pagan the Supremely Irritated

Like ok, I could maybe move out if I wanted to be constantly completely broke and living off spaghettios and ramen and killing myself in the process because I need a specific diet to not get diabetes. Likewise, I could let my mother live alone with her bad knee and her 12 hour days and her paycheck that doesn’t really cover all her expenses like car insurance. It’s all she can do right now to pay her half of the property taxes every year, but whatever, right? It’s totally ok if I let her lose her house because of some stupid societal expectation that I should move out. Yeah. Absolutely. I mean, it’s not like I’ve helped pay for a new oven, two new air conditioners, a new water heater, and assorted other expenses over the past few years. It’s not like I’ve let her borrow my car when she needs it, or arranged the only family vacation we’ve ever gotten to go on because I had a little extra money for some fun. I haven’t bought her Ren Faire tickets so that we could go together or paid for breakfast out every other weekend for the past two years. Oh yeah. I have, because she couldn’t. But I’m totally a leech for living there and not finding a shitty apartment to live in. Yeah.

Great, coworkers. That’s right. Have a conversation about your relatives who haven’t moved out of their parents’ house and make me feel like a piece of shit in the process. I haven’t been having enough trouble trying to reassure myself that I’m not somehow broken because I’m 27, still unattached, and living with my mother. I don’t have enough trouble trying not to feel like I’m failing in life somehow even though my mother has repeatedly reassured me that she wants me there and even though I pay my share of the bills and she’d be up shit creek with no paddle if I moved out. It’s ok. Just keep complaining about your kid who lives with you that you apparently can’t stand. Remind me why the fuck you had children if they’re apparently so inconvenient? WTF is wrong with baby boomer parents that they act like this about their children?

Dear Coworkers,

I’m going to need all of you to stop walking around behind me and then standing there talking. For starters, I don’t like having people behind me in the first place. It’s a holdover, I know, but it still kind of freaks me out when people get too close and I can’t see them. Two – dammit, I’m trying to write! I can’t write semi-historical fanfic, even if it’s not smut, with you standing behind me. Nor do I feel like explaining why I’m currently looking up the history of the Jacobite movement during the late seventeenth century. Go sit at your desks and look at Facebook or whatever you people do when it’s this dead in the office.

Pagan the Exasperated and Paranoid