Because he has GOT to know so much shit on everybody. All t, all shade.
“Day 200. St. Augustine.
Dufresne thinks he can do the job of captain, now that his balls have dropped, Bates is dead and Billy is potential mermaid. Uses sword right- -side-up one time and suddenly thinks he’s Francis Drake. Actual Captain pretend moping but scheming with oily curl. Low on entertainment so will wait and see.”
“Day 202. The sea???
Betsy bit Silver. Revenge over terrible food most likely. Captain rubbing beard at 30 second intervals. Scheme implementation imminent.”
“Day 367. Freeport.
Captain looking at the Quartermaster like the sun shines out of his arse. Again. Gay.
Speaking of, need to ask Silver about his hair care routine. May have good tips.
Heard Billy tell Ben one day he’ll be Captain and then Flint will see. Then he bumped his big giant head into a beam that’s always been there. Not holding my breath for that one.
Am considering removing soul patch. Look ridiculous with all the bushy beards around here. Everyone sporting full muff on their face now, to show how tough they are. Pathetic.
Sword number two looking bent in weird shape. Concerning.”
“Day 549. Becalmed.
Do not understand why we are not allowed to eat the dairy goat. We are starving. How is that goat still alive???
DeGroot says she is officially married to one of the crew members and pirate law prohibits the murder of fellow matelot.
Have decided to eat Muldoon instead. Small, manageable, already dead. Not too much hair. Will convince crew I found hidden salted pork, where no one looked before. The things I do for them. Am too good for this crew.”
“Day 700. Nassau.
Am now fully convinced Captain stealing Quartermaster’s youth this whole time, in nefarious plan to remain immortal. Long, loving stares must be doing it. They are starting to look like a before and after pic. Ginger beard never looked more luscious. Am sticking with Captain. Sword number one looks sad though.”
Anne: FFS, Jack, stop fangirling ppl, when you do it, they die!
Jack: !!! *light bulb* *catches sight of Rogers* Hey, btich, u brilliant! read your book again, loved it!
Rogers’s ship: *sprouts a fatal leak*
when flint realizes that silver betrayed him and stole his gold: “wELL WELL WELL…HOW THE TURNTABLES…”
flint when he’s trying to read and the crew is being ridiculous: [massaging temples] “there’s too many people in this world. we need a new plague.”
and the show being exactly the same but the characters quoting lines from the office is AMAZING but also!!! ALSO!!!! how about……….just taking the characters and plopping them down into The Office universe completely as they are and leaving them to their devices
AKA the characters of black sails just being perpetually confused by/frustrated by an office environment and the presence of a camera
max making the most sales bc she’s the smartest and knows people and can turn on the charm and form good relationships. WHO WOULD BE RECEPTIONIST?!?! BILLY MAYBE?!?!? because everyone loves him and he’s like The Glue™ of the office and he always has candy at his desk. billy would tell flint someone is on the phone and flint would be like “are they straight” billy: “idk” flint: “ask. if they are I am not here” billy: “but-” flint: “I AM NOT HERE BILLY”
jack: [trying to go to the bathroom and read his newspaper peacefully] camera: [popping up] jack: fOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!! A MOMENT’S PEACE
anne looking right into the camera and scowling from beneath her hat until it goes away. eleanor telling it to “fuck off.” max just walking by it without a second glance because she has PLACES TO BE and STUFF TO DO.
silver walking up to the camera unsolicited and like, giving daily updates on how he’s feeling about flint. omg THIS WOULD BE HIS DREAM. SOMETHING THAT WILL JUST LISTEN TO HIM TALK ABOUT FLINT NONSTOP WITHOUT BEING ABLE TO ROLL THEIR EYES AT HIM. HE WOULD INTERRUPT OTHER PEOPLE’S COMMENTARIES AND JUST START TALKING ABOUT FLINT.
silver about believing in flint/flint being a God™: [chuckling] “I’m not superstitious………but I’m a little stitious”
I’m going to be thinking about this all damn day omg THANKS ANON
Meg's Mumbles 