and he’s telling himself a story to avoid admitting that his actions were wrong

bal-lantine:

Watching John warm up during his speech to Madi at the end of the finale takes on such a sick cast once one is no longer shuddering in tears and shit, oh my god. I mean – he starts out fine. Has the appropriate emotional beats one might expect from such a story and character.

…Have you ever talked to someone you love, someone really close like family or a longtime friend, and realize as the conversation is happening that they are lying to you?

It can feel almost like a glitch in reality.

Or perhaps, as the promise of seeing Thomas got closer, he grew more comfortable at letting go of this man he’d created in response to his loss.

Somehow, in the middle of a sentence, you realize the person you know so well has departed from your shared path of understanding. And you’re left watching them in confusion and maybe nascent worry as they continue to smile and speak.

The way John suddenly smiles and hitches himself forward and starts in, “the man whose mind I had come to know so well, whose mind I had in some way incorporated into my own. It was a strange experience to see something from it, something unexpected…”

Idk. I don’t have an explanation for this strange feeling. It just struck me again how monumentally fucked up Silver is at the end.

He’s painting a good story, because that’s what he always does. But it’s just hitting me that the good story is literally all he has. All he’ll ever have. He was so scared of reality, he never let any of his stories grow into something real.