This is so hard for us emotionally abused. But it is okay to say no. It’s okay to set boundaries. You are not being selfish nor awful!
Tag: abuse tw
The ugliest part about trauma triggered by non-physical abuse is how keeps itself going.
If you’ve been emotionally abused, you start to numb yourself because not feeling anything is the only way to avoid it. Additionally, your trauma tricks you to see emotions as a weakness. Because otherwise, your only coping skill would be gone.
If you’ve been psychologically abused, you either start to justify it by lowering your self-esteem or you build up an unhealthy amount of it to wear as an amour. Additionally, you either think you’re not good enough to deserve anyone’s attention or you’re too good for anyone’s attention because that’s the only way you can integrate your experience.
Trauma is ugly. It tricks you to make false and extreme assumptions about yourself and life in general. And it forces you to keep them up because otherwise your experiences might strain you or break you more than they already did. Trauma protects you. It gives you a false sense of safety because it was the only thing that you could do back then to save (a bit of) yourself.
But honestly, as a cptsd survivor, let me tell you…
Don’t listen to your trauma.
Don’t listen to that voice which tells you emotions are a weakness and kindness is dumb.
Don’t listen to that voice which tells you that you either have to be better or worse then everybody else because otherwise you wouldn’t have had to endure what you did.
Because it’s just not true.
Emotions aren’t a weakness. Yes, they hurt you. And they always will. But they will also offer you so many good things which are completely worth it.
The warm feeling after being kind to someone else. The stolen moment in the morning when the sun is rising and you know that today will be a beautiful day. The happiness of listening to your favorite song…
These are all emotions that trauma is often shutting off, too.
Emotional abuse doesn’t happen because your emotions make you weak. People don’t pick you because they see your emotions as a weakness but rather because they are unable to deal with their own negative emotions by themselves. Abusing you is to them the same thing that numbness is to you – a way to deal with the bad things that happened to them.
And you don’t desrve to be miserable just because other people are. You deserve all the good things emotions can bring.
And I know that your trauma voice is telling you that it’s too dangerous. That feelings are a nuisance. That you’re somehow better than others for not feeling anything because it makes you more rational.
But that’s not true. It’s simply your trauma voice. That part of you which is still so afraid of being hurt and abused again.
But there are other ways to prevent that than being numb. You can learn how to keep these people away from yourself. You can learn how to recognise who treats you and your emotions with respect and who only views them as a tool for themselves to feel better. And you deserve it.
Psychological abuse isn’t an indicator of your worth. It’s nothing but a thing other people operationalize again to feel better about themselves or cope with something they can’t handle. It’s a mirror of the abusers worries, insecurities and weaknesses.
And honestly, believe me when I say that you’re more than that. That your self worth is not, like your trauma voice probably tells you, depended on the actions of your abuser. Because again. That voice is only trying to protect you. It’s nothing but your fear of being treated like that again which turns into an expectation. Because after all – that’s again your trauma voice – it’s better to be afraid and avoid something then to risk being hurt again.
But that’s also not true. The same thing that protects you is now holding you back. It prevents you from trusting others, from getting close to them. And you don’t deserve to spend a life in isolation just because you’re afraid that something will happen which might never happen again.
There’s also a different way. You can again learn how to recognise people who want to abuse you like that. You can learn how to spot people who lift themselves up by putting others down. And instead of avoiding everybody else, of doubting that you’re good enough… You can just avoid those who want you to have this wrong believe because it gives them some sense of worth.
(This whole post is based on my own experience and observations. Only parts of it are based on factual scientific knowledge. If you don’t agree with something, feel free to comment but have in mind that this is my personal experience I’m talking about which I in no way claim to be universal.)
Extremely unfriendly pointed reminder that just because an emotional or verbal abuse victim does not recognize what is being done to them as abuse at the time that it occurs, that does not mean that it’s not abuse. They can smile, they can even agree with their abuser, and it does not mean that what’s happening is not abuse. It simply means that the person being abused has been conditioned to recognize that particular thing as normal. They’ve come to accept that what their abuser says about them is correct – that’s the goal of any abuser. That’s the fucking point, and if you think that because someone doesn’t show signs of being angry or hurt at the time, they’re not being abused, you’re fucking wrong. Period, full stop, offense meant.
PLEASE stop defending fictional abuse just because you like the character. It’s fine to like them anyway. They’re just a fictional character. However, the people on the other side of the screen are real and have often experienced abuse themselves.
I understand that it’s all a bit greyscale in a show about pirates, but as someone who suffered abuse and still gets anxiety attacks from it, I would like to ask you all to stop defending it and insulting actual abuse survivors. It’s triggering to see people arguing how multiple death threats or taking away someone’s basic human rights aren’t abusive. It’s okay to love a character who is abusive but it’s not okay to bully people who don’t. Don’t tell them that they’re morons for not liking a character who reminds them of their abusers. Don’t tell them that they’re wrong and should fuck off when they call a character who (amongst other things) tried to kill another character multiple times, but ended up enslaving him instead, abusive. Like whatever character you want, but don’t disparage people who don’t. They’re real people with feelings. Why would you resort to insulting them and dismissing their experiences just because you want to defend a fictional character? You can love the character without insulting people who don’t, and if you seriously think that it’s okay to bully others over the way they see a ficational character, you need to get a fucking grip on reality.
“I loved you, always.”
going to comment a little on this game: the overseeing voice talks as if it owns you, and defies your free will. if you follow its orders, you are praised, and the worldview becomes sharper and more detailed. if you don’t, you are chastised, and the world becomes more vague and difficult to navigate, but also more colourful and loud. it’s odd, and sort of eerie, but definitely interesting. take it as you will.
This game really unsettles me. It unsttles me that my first choice to obey, and when I played again and disobeyed, I got really emotional really fast. Failure hurt me more the more I disobeyed. It was… interesting to experience.
i’ve always said we are trained to obey more than to think.
holy shit. i reblogged this the first time without playing. then i played in and it is terrifying. i very much like this, but it will give you intense feelings.
What’s the game??
you obey everything the game tells you too, even jumping into barbs and basically killing yourself. if you dont youre chastised and even the scolding is terrifying
So, essentially, it’s a game that illustrates what it’s like to be in an abusive parents or an abusive relationship – and how it affects you emotionally. That is horrific and ingenious – the next time someone negates the affects of emotional abuse, I’ll take them to this game and let them come to their own conclusions.
This game absolutely gets it. The most solid and reliable degradation is a gendered insult. The more you obey and co-operate, the better understanding you seem to have of your word, and things seem easier. But what really gets me is the contradiction. You are not allowed to have the correct answer. Are you a boy or a girl? The answer is no, I will give you the answer. even towards the end, your “praise” is “no, I will give you the answer. You earned this answer, but it is given to you by me.” Disobeying makes the world frightening and confusing and difficult, but beautiful in a world devoid of flavour.
great that it’s made by a fellow australian too
Reblogging this for later.
If anyone was looking for the name it’s called Loved
@sam-keeper this might be of interest to you.
This game totally fucks with me every time I play it because it’s so damn real about what it’s conveying.
Let me tell you that the basic idea where obeying makes things easier, makes things clearer while disobeying makes things chaotic and ruins your sense of self: that shit is as real as it gets.
Obeying made life easy. The person you are isn’t, maybe, the person you want to be, but you have a sense of self. Making decisions is easier. You can at least predict how things will go, even when you hate it.
But once you start asserting yourself, that’s when it gets bad. Who you are gets questions and torn down time and time again. The process of getting out is so much harder as your ability to trust yourself wears to the point of being non-existence.
I had to have my abusive partner kick me out of the house twice before my ability to make the decision to crawl back was completely wiped.
It’s been almost 9 years since then. I have a sense of self again. But it was rough going for a long time.
This game fucks with me to the point where I can’t actually play it after about 10 minutes, but if you can deal with it, it’s amazing.
Interesting that, like, no one notices the commentary on transphobia.
Like, the game literally shows you that the first form of abusive control is coercively assigning an infant a gender, without consent, and enforcing it, taking away a child’s very right to self-determination.
And all the cis people reblogging this ignore that they all go and do this to trans folks.
Signs of emotionally abusive parents
Based on some advice I gave a girl with abusive parents, here’s a list of signs that I’ve gathered from personal experience with my mother:
- Constant criticism: Most parents criticise their children now and then but constantly putting down your child is not normal. For the most part, the criticism comes out of the blue and is often about your looks, interests or behavior. It’s not just “normal” criticism, like commenting on something stupid you did. They’ll often compare you to other children and demand that you should be like them instead.
- Not taking you seriously: No matter how old you are, you’ll always be a dumb child to an abusive parent. It doesn’t matter how well-informed you are and how great your arguments are: you’re wrong, naive and stupid. My mother would often shut me out when talking with her and other “adults” at parties and gathering, even when I was 18 and older and could easily talk with the “adults”
- Being overdramatic: Making a situation seem a lot worse than it is will always put the parent in control and make the child a nervous wreck. My mother still has a habit of blowing things out of proportions and act like a tiny problem is the end of the world. As an adult, I just roll my eyes now but for a child, it’s absolutely terrifying.
- Projecting their feelings/faults onto you: My mother always pointed out how angry and sour I was and I believed her for a long time until I was told otherwise by friends on multiple occassions (whenever I was described, happy was always included). Guess who’s angry and sour, though? My mom, of course. She’s extremely negative about a lot of things and tend to think the worst of everything. She complains nonstop but somehow she’s convinced that’s me doing that, not her. This goes for other feelings/faults too (being jealous, violent, naive etc.)
- Mocking your interests: Loudly commenting and making fun of what you enjoy is not something normal parents (or people for that matter) do. A parent should never shame an interest unless it’s harmful to others. My mother has done this my whole life whether it was my interest in animals, collectiong stones, reading a lot, or wanting to study psychology (according to her it’s not “real” science)
- Blaming you for having negative emotions: Whether you’re rightfully sad or angry, the parent will respond with ridicule and sometimes anger. You don’t have the right to be angry yourself and sadness isn’t met with comfort. I was a very emotional child and cried easily yet my mother just got annoyed and/or furious. If I cried at school, I’d have to beg my teachers not to tell my mother because she’d throw a fit and lock me in my room
- Not respecting that you’re an introvert/extrovert: This often comes from the fact that the parent is the opposite of what you are. In my case, my mother was a social butterfly and scorned me for being an introvert (she doesn’t even believe that term). Even if I spent the entire day with other people, she’d be angry if I didn’t want to go play with someone after dinner. She’d also be pissed in the most ridiculous situations, like if I didn’t sit next to someone in the bus on trips and alike.
- You have to protect others from their anger: In my case, it was my younger brothers and sometimes my father. I’ve swallowed my words or let my mother mistreat me several times so that she wouldn’t throw a fit and later let it out on my brothers or my father. A child should not be responsible for keeping peace in the home.
- You have to lie all the time: With all the previous points, it’s not unusual that you end up lying to the parent in question all the time. I seldom lie to my father but I’ve lied to my mother my entire life and still do. Making up excuses and stories to avoid conflict becomes an essential part of interacting with the abusive parent and if you’re unlucky like me, it’ll last an entire liftetime.
If these things happen to you a lot, you’re dealing with an abusive parent and need help. Emotional abuse can affect you on the long run and has to be stopped as soon as possible.
If the abusive parent can’t change their awful behaviour towards you, you don’t have to stay in touch with them and/or see them. You don’t owe your parents anything if they mistreat you like this.
Also adding:
Financial manipulation; knowing you (minor or dependent) are relying on them for financial reasons (food/college/clothes/house/etc) and they constantly threaten to revoke it in order to control you. Also guilting you about money; you cost so much, do you know I take care of you, etc.
Financial manipulation of another kind – keeping you close to them by making you feel guilty for wanting to leave because they’re not financially solvent on their own.
Saying awful, hurtful things when you call them on their behavior. Making you doubt that you have any right to react with anger once you realize that they have been abusing you.
I’m really sorry to know that you have been victim of child abuse. And I have know in the first place what that means. I just want to say that when in a tv show or in a movie or in a book there are characters who are abusive that is always adfirmed by the creators and by the actors. Now where are the evidence of that in *bs*? How can the authors omit that their co-protagonist is an abusive character? How can the actor omit it and be surprised by the hate that his ch. Is receving?
Thank you, Anon, and in response to your question: I have no idea. The writers have, honest to gods, written a character that is, make no mistake, abusive, whether he means to be or not. It’s well-portrayed, it’s chilling to those of us who have experienced similar, and neither the writers or the actor himself seem to get that that’s what is there in the script, on the screen, in the show. I’ve never been 100% comfortable with the character, and the more I look at him in retrospect, the more I understand why that is. To be fair, it took me a while to realize, even having the experiences
I’ve had, so I suppose it’s possible they genuinely don’t realize what
they’ve put out there.
I would have thought, though, that the ending of the show was fairly cut and dried on that front – S*lver basically tells both Flint and Madi that they’re not capable of making good decisions on their own so he’s making decisions for them. He treats Madi and her people like that, and then when she tells him to get out – when she tells him she wants nothing more to do with him after what he’s done – he refuses to leave. He tells her he’ll wait until she comes around to understanding what he’s done and why and my gods does that sound like every abuser ever telling someone they’ve hurt them for their own good and that it’s their fault they had to do it. He tells Flint the same – I’m selling you for your own good, Thomas is there, go quietly. If you hadn’t insisted on your war (here read: if you hadn’t had convictions and ideals you believed in strongly enough to die for) I wouldn’t be doing this. I could quote considerably more of the show at you – it’s woven through s1 to s4, but I’ll stop here, because this isn’t meant to be a long, drawn out meta.
Scars
Inspired by conversations with @copper-toned about Thomas’s pre-Bedlam scars. Thanks for enabling me in writing my poor sad boys. Also shoutout to @squid-inspiration for encouraging me to write more stuff about Thomas’s less than pleasant childhood.
WARNING: mentions of past child abuse and suicide attempts, as well as internalized homophobia/shame.
James once caught a glimpse of one of Thomas’s scars. Thomas quickly hid it and changed the subject. Now they’re together and about to make love for the first time. Thomas blows out the candles so they’re in the dark – he doesn’t want James to see his scars.
The first time they fucked in
the dark.Thomas had been worried that even by doing so, James may have
caught on to his game. He had caught sight of a scar on his wrist, once, when
Thomas’s long arms had stretched out of his puffy sleeves while pointing to a
particular sentence, or figure, or map reference, he forgets what. James has
stilled immediately, and Thomas’s eyes had been drawn to him questioningly –
but James’s eyes had been fixed on his exposed wrist. Thomas drew his arm back
into his sleeve, annoyed he had let it be seen – he usually kept his scars so
carefully hidden – but James was not to be deterred.“Thomas,” he had said, his voice like steel, and though they had
technically been on first name terms then, James almost always used his with an
air of embarrassment, slipping back into formality when he thought he could get
away with it. Not this time, however. “What’s that mark on your wrist?”“It’s nothing,” said Thomas, in an airy voice, but James merely
narrowed his eyes at him. Thomas sighed. Perhaps a change of subject was in
order. “I must say, James, your uniform is looking particularly fetching today.
And your hair is so neat, not a strand out of place. May I ask how you get it
so?”James always got so adorably confused and abashed when Thomas
flirted with him, and Thomas was not above using it to distract him from the
matter at hand. “Practice, my Lord,” he said, once he had recovered his
faculties, “and thank you.” A rose blush coloured high in his cheeks and Thomas
thought, not for the first time, how utterly pretty he was, like a flower in early bloom.He nodded. “I once thought of growing mine out, but it was not
considered proper for a Lord’s son.”“Really, my Lord?” James had all but stuttered, and Thomas could
not imagine what images are playing through the Lieutenant’s head, but he had
the man well and truly confounded now, and could return to the matter at hand.“Indeed,” he said, steepling his fingers and hiding a smile
behind them. “Perhaps we can return to the matter at hand, then, Lieutenant,”
he continued after a moment, and no more was spoken on the matter, although
Thomas sometimes caught James glancing at his wrists and knew that James had
not forgotten the glimpse he had caught of Thomas’s scars.So now, they were here, and Thomas blew the candles out before
he so much as removed his cravat (which in fact covered the most damning of all
his scars) hoping James would not comment upon it.
James didn’t say a word, on that matter or any other, merely stripped off and
lay face down on the bed.Oh. Oh.
“James,” Thomas whispered into the darkness, “you’ve done this
before, yes?”“You mean I’ve been fucked by men before?” James said, and the
shame and self-loathing in his voice made Thomas cringe.Thomas stood there for a moment, not knowing what to say, or do.
All of a sudden, the idea of making love to James in the dark, as if it was
shameful, something to hide, something to be
ashamed of, seemed reprehensible to Thomas. Thomas would not let James lie
there on the bed in the dark and simply be
fucked him, as if that was all this was, just a meaningless fuck, and not
one of the most important moments of Thomas’s (and, he hoped, James’s) life.
But the idea of relighting the candles, of bringing the shameful secrets of his
own childhood so mercilessly into the light…it was something he could not bear
to do. Not yet. He dithered.“Thomas,” said James from the bed, “please,” and there was pain in that voice, but there was lust and
desire too.Thomas went to the bed and climbed on, behind James, pulling the
smaller man into his arms, spooning him, ignoring the hardness between his legs
or the way James jerked when he felt it. He kissed his neck softly. “James,” he
whispered plaintively into the skin there.Thomas could feel the surprise in the tension of his body – the
way it released and then tensed up again, in a different manner, as James
twisted around to face him.“Thomas, what-?” he asked, but was cut off with a kiss.
“Hush, my love,” he said, brushing his thumb tenderly over
James’s jawline.James’s eyes sought his in the dark, and they looked…confused. What, thought Thomas slightly angrily, did he really think I was just going to fuck
him like any old bit of rough might, not kiss him, stroke him, treat him like
he was the most precious thing in the world?Perhaps, he
thought, stomach clenching, he believed
that I only wanted to get him into bed, to have him and be done with him, as if
all that had happened between them in the past few months, James’s words at the
dinner table, defending him against his father – didn’t mean a thing, in the
grand scheme of things. Didn’t mean absolutely everything.“James,” said Thomas, his hand finding James’s, lacing their
fingers together – he heard James’s breath hitch, “when I asked – I meant had
you been with a man before, to be sure, but I also meant,” he took a deep
breath, “had you made love with a man before?”“Made love?” asked James, the words sounding foreign on his
tongue, as if he were not sure such a thing was even possible. “How does that
work?”Thomas wanted to cry – his voice was so brazenly disbelieving,
as if he knew such a thing just could not be, and yet…there was a quiver to it
that was not quite convinced, that was so unsure, that wanted that to be
possible, wanted Thomas to make love
to him. Thomas was damn well going to do his best to try and persuade him.“Like this,” he said, and set to work.
Never forget how to be angry. Never.
See, the thing is, I had. It’s frighteningly easy. I wasn’t originally planning on doing a response to this, even though I appreciate the support greatly, but I decided to because this needs to be said.
The thing is, it’s frighteningly easy to forget that you have a right to be angry. It starts with a simple phrase, and that phrase is, “I can’t afford to feel this right now.” It starts with the understanding that expressing your anger is just going to get you hurt, and it continues when you start telling yourself that your reaction was overblown – that you had no right to react the way you did, essentially. That even though someone did something shitty to you, they had their reasons, as if that somehow makes their behavior ok, because it has to be ok, because fuck, who else have you got that even pretends to give a shit about you? It continues when “I can’t afford to feel this right now” becomes “I shouldn’t be feeling this at all.” It continues when the people around you validate that feeling instead of telling you you have a right to not be ok with what someone’s done to you – instead of acknowledging the shitty behavior and ensuring the person responsible experiences some kind of consequence from someone other than the person they’ve hurt. It continues when you start hearing, “but they’re family!” as if being related to someone negates the fact that they’re a shitty human being. It continues with being hushed, and silenced, and told to calm down, and generally refused any kind of expression of your pain with the people you’re supposed to be able to trust.
What I’m saying, Anon, is that holding onto anger can be a difficult proposition under the right circumstances and it’s super important to be there for people when they tell you that someone’s done something terrible to them or help them find someone who can be there for them if you can’t do it yourself. It’s important to let them have their rage, because otherwise they wind up, like me, forgetting that there are options other than knuckling under and taking people’s shit because they’ve been required to do so far, far too often.
^and I want people to remember this even if their family isn’t shitty. I want people to keep this in mind, because kind, decent people don’t always know the damage they do just telling you it’s not worth being angry about.
‘It’s got nothing to do with you, so why are you angry about it?’ You know what good question I don’t fucking know I’m gonna go and think about it shall I? Good idea.
‘It’s a stupid thing to be angry about’—yeah, maybe for you it would be. For me, this is an important part of my life, and I know you don’t understand that.
‘Stop shouting!’ But I wasn’t. ‘I won’t talk to you when you’re like this’ because anything I have to say is inherently wrong and without value if I am angry? Really?
If only ‘I won’t talk to you when you’re like this’ wasn’t backed up with years of ‘that’s stupid’ and ‘you shouldn’t be worrying about that’ and ‘it’s none of your business’ and ‘it doesn’t affect you so stop worrying about it’—if only—
Maybe then I might have read it as ‘take a moment and then come back when you’re not fuming’.
But wait, no, never mind. Even when I come back with a reasoned argument, ‘you shouldn’t be worrying about that, your priorities are wrong.’
No one ever gets to tell you you don’t have the right to feel the way you do. It’s not a privilege. You already do.
This is a good and important post and follow-up. ❤
I literally stopped being able to feel anger at some point in my childhood. I don’t remember when. And anger always seemed like a useless emotion to me, and besides, any time I got upset about things it just made other people around me more upset and angry, usually at me, so really, at the time it just seemed like it was for the best. Other people’s anger always felt physically and mentally painful to me, whether or not it was directed at me, so it was a good thing I didn’t get angry. (I would have said if I had ever thought about it.)
I started feeling anger again sometime in college. It didn’t come back in full until after college. i was living away from home, away from anyone who knew me, and I still hadn’t realized how much emotional abuse I’d experienced. (emotional abuse bingo square: feel guilty and like you’re lying by using the phrase emotional abuse). I didn’t realize that learning to feel anger was a good thing at the time, that it meant I was starting to heal. I hated it for the first year or two. It seemed like such a useless emotion- it filled with me with this boiling energy I couldn’t do anything with.
It took another two or three years for me to realize that being angry about something was connected with having boundaries. That I was allowed to want things in relationships, in friendships, in family interactions, and that there was a reason I felt hurt if I didn’t receive them. I’d started to understand I could have boundaries in college, but always as a very… abstract, concept. That anger, that boundaries, were not only things I could have but things that were *good* for me to have took longer for me to understand.
Anger is still uncomfortable for me, but I am better at holding it, and I understand how important it is for me to be able to feel it.
Never forget how to be angry. Never.
See, the thing is, I had. It’s frighteningly easy. I wasn’t originally planning on doing a response to this, even though I appreciate the support greatly, but I decided to because this needs to be said.
The thing is, it’s frighteningly easy to forget that you have a right to be angry. It starts with a simple phrase, and that phrase is, “I can’t afford to feel this right now.” It starts with the understanding that expressing your anger is just going to get you hurt, and it continues when you start telling yourself that your reaction was overblown – that you had no right to react the way you did, essentially. That even though someone did something shitty to you, they had their reasons, as if that somehow makes their behavior ok, because it has to be ok, because fuck, who else have you got that even pretends to give a shit about you? It continues when “I can’t afford to feel this right now” becomes “I shouldn’t be feeling this at all.” It continues when the people around you validate that feeling instead of telling you you have a right to not be ok with what someone’s done to you – instead of acknowledging the shitty behavior and ensuring the person responsible experiences some kind of consequence from someone other than the person they’ve hurt. It continues when you start hearing, “but they’re family!” as if being related to someone negates the fact that they’re a shitty human being. It continues with being hushed, and silenced, and told to calm down, and generally refused any kind of expression of your pain with the people you’re supposed to be able to trust.
What I’m saying, Anon, is that holding onto anger can be a difficult proposition under the right circumstances and it’s super important to be there for people when they tell you that someone’s done something terrible to them or help them find someone who can be there for them if you can’t do it yourself. It’s important to let them have their rage, because otherwise they wind up, like me, forgetting that there are options other than knuckling under and taking people’s shit because they’ve been required to do so far, far too often.
^and I want people to remember this even if their family isn’t shitty. I want people to keep this in mind, because kind, decent people don’t always know the damage they do just telling you it’s not worth being angry about.
‘It’s got nothing to do with you, so why are you angry about it?’ You know what good question I don’t fucking know I’m gonna go and think about it shall I? Good idea.
‘It’s a stupid thing to be angry about’—yeah, maybe for you it would be. For me, this is an important part of my life, and I know you don’t understand that.
‘Stop shouting!’ But I wasn’t. ‘I won’t talk to you when you’re like this’ because anything I have to say is inherently wrong and without value if I am angry? Really?
If only ‘I won’t talk to you when you’re like this’ wasn’t backed up with years of ‘that’s stupid’ and ‘you shouldn’t be worrying about that’ and ‘it’s none of your business’ and ‘it doesn’t affect you so stop worrying about it’—if only—
Maybe then I might have read it as ‘take a moment and then come back when you’re not fuming’.
But wait, no, never mind. Even when I come back with a reasoned argument, ‘you shouldn’t be worrying about that, your priorities are wrong.’
No one ever gets to tell you you don’t have the right to feel the way you do. It’s not a privilege. You already do.
Meg's Mumbles 