I read this to my husband and he stopped dead while making toast to say, “That’s…. way too accurate.”
so this isn’t just me…it feels like 2018 is taking forever, I did some stuff in May or June that seems like it was 3 years ago and not just some months 🙈
But have you considered: Thorin might be nearsighted?
Case in point:
Exhibit 2
“It cannot be.”aka Doesn’t actually recognize Azog until he starts talking…
This needs no explanation:
*BOOM*
Exhibit 3:
Not subtitled, but Thorin shouts for Kili when actually Fili is the one who was almost crushed >.<
Exhibit 4
Not pictured because I couldn’t find a gif, but Thorin prompting Balin to lead them out of Rivendell because he “can see knows these paths”
Exhibit 5
Cut off Azog’s arm, was probably aiming for something slightly more fatal, couldn’t tell he was alive when dragged back inside Moria…
Exhibit 6
WHERE’S BILBO?
(”I have no idea because I can’t see for shit.”)
Conclusion:
Since wearing glass in front of your eyes is slightly more of a liability for a fighter than people’s faces being slightly blurry, I’m just gonna throw this out there as a possible explanation for fandom to run with 😉
Ok but I think this is my favorite post of mine that’s done well because
1) it give a humorous explanation for Thorin’s random moments of fail that’s cracky and funny
2) it actually kinda makes sense and it gives Thorin a minor (or not so minor for his life and world) disability that he works around and actually kinda explains said moments of fail realistically and honestly guys the more I think about it and replay the movies in my head the fewer contradictions I can find for this headcanon???
There is a fanfic in here somewhere
Convincing arguments!
Thorin has suddenly become more human and more pleasant (short-sighted person speaking here)
You are not wrong OP, Thorin IS nearsighted. In the book, it was even canon:
“How far away do you think it is?” asked Thorin, for by now they knew Bilbo had the sharpest eyes among them. “Not far at all. I shouldn’t think above twelve yards.” “Twelve yards! I should have thought it was thirty at least, but my eyes don’t see as well as they used a hundred years ago-” (From the chapter, ‘Flies and Spiders’
of The Hobbit, by JRR Tolkien
)
Thorin isn’t just slightly nearsighted either, he thought a large object at across-the-street distance was three-quarters of the length of a football field away. By modern standards he would be legally, coke-bottle-glasses-or-we-don’t-let-you-drive, blind.
In the movie Thorin’s nearsightedness is never actually stated, but I love the clever ways in which they worked it into the acting (as avelera highlighted very well), and also into the costume and set design (implying that Dwarves tend to be nearsighted in general): Dwarven ornamentation is always three-dimensional, be it stamped leather, cut runes, thickly-embroidered brocade, or cast-metal beads. There are no purely painted or smooth-inlaid designs anywhere that would require sight, let alone 20/20 vision.
Dwarven cities too, are violently three-dimensional and ornamented with a lot of straight-lined geometry and gigantic statues. Perhaps most telling of all, the terrifyingly high stone bridges found in both Erebor AND Moria are treated as perfectly ordinary sidewalks… which would make sense for a race that couldn’t even SEE the ground below.
As for Thorin’s precision-jump in the forges…
Brass ones. Solid fucking brass ones.
You know, it actually kinda makes sense that dwarves in general should be more nearsighted than other races. They live underground, inside stone halls where the most they need is to see what they’re doing with their hands and what’s directly in front of them (to about 4 meters max. maybe less, you don’t need to see much further than that when mining.)
of course, this also perfectly explains my favourite “blind dwarf” scene
I desperately want to tag @veilfireshadows but it WONT LET ME
with my school teachers it was like “omg they’re so cool i wanna be their friend!” but with university lecturers it’s like “they’re endearing and i love them like cats but are they okay because i think they know too much about 18th century german literature to survive in the world”
what, you can’t know who friedrich schiller is and also change a tire?
literally no
this would have worked better if I personally knew how to change a tire
I theoretically know how to change a tire!…..my physical form kinda of means that would…probably not be a thing I could actually do…(My parents are of the firm belief that if you can drive you should also at least know the basics of taking care of your vehicle….I can not actually drive yet but hey I know the basics of taking care of a vehicle! I can talk someone through changing their tire!)but I know how!….and probably know way too much about such things as medieval fashion….costuming…
Listen as an academic I can tell you that academics don’t know how to exist in the world. The more peer reviewed articles they publish, the less they know about how the actual world functions.
Listen as a member of staff at a college and a former secretary in a registrar’s office, I can tell you that academics as a group do not know jack shit about how the world works. i love them dearly, don’t get me wrong – some of my very best stories are about Shit My Professors Said/Did, but they – do not know how to exist in the world. At all. Wrap them up in blankets and make sure they have tea/coffee and do not let them out.
Meg's Mumbles 