anyone else live under the assumption that they’re constantly doing something wrong
How about the assumption that everyone’s just being polite and any minute now they’re going to snap and let you know how awful you are
Everyone who reblogs this post, please read about the psychological phenomena of Childhood Emotional Neglect.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, fuck.
Yeah them’s the signs of deprivation or abuse. Be safe dear friends and get help. You deserve to be happy.
please note that your parents needn’t have been bad or cruel for you to have this problem. mine were ‘absent’ in that my dad was incredibly stressed out at all times (he worked in weapons technology during the cold war, and there was no such thing as a psychologist with a high enough security clearance to understand his troubles, even if he’d realized he needed help) and my mom was chronically ill. so even though they loved me very much, and validated and supported me as much as they could, i understood that i could end up facing down a sea of troubles solo at any time, because they simply were not capable of being there for me as much as i needed.
thanks to their love and good life lessons, i didn’t quite fully internalize the assumption that i was really doing something wrong at all times. but it was an axiom of my existence that i could be blamed for something, or run afoul of someone’s bad mood or bad behavior, or be misinformed, or in general something could be going wrong right now and i was not guaranteed to have any good options.
the illusion of a just world was shattered for me at a very young age. on the one hand, that’s good because the just world fallacy is the root of all evil. but on the other, the existential horror of knowing that justice is fake can be really fucking hard for a 9-year-old to deal with.
tl;dr: if this sounds like you, but your parents weren’t abusive, don’t dismiss it out of hand. if your parents tried their best but it wasn’t enough, the results can be the same.
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