Thank you for agreeing to take the Pre-Employment Assessment Test. Please answer all questions as truthfully as you can.

lord-kitschener:

gothvelma:

mpregcraig:

QUESTION 1: Your wife, the mother of your children, is drowning. You have a life preserver. However, a customer requires your assistance. What do you do?

QUESTION 2: A man has been caught stealing from the company and he is currently awaiting execution. You are the executioner. Do you pull the trigger?

QUESTION 3: Which sentence best describes yourself?

– I have clinical depression.

– I’m ready to be productive!

QUESTION 4: Which sentence best describes yourself?

– I try to do things to the best of ability.

– I am willing to bleed for you.

QUESTION 5: Are you afraid to die?

QUESTION 6: On your way home from work, you find a cash register pen that you had absent-mindedly shoved in your pocket. How many of your thieving fingers do you sever, keeping in mind that retaining some is important to preserve your productivity?

QUESTION 7: Please detail, in 300 words or less, a time where you gave it your all to help your company. Which organs did you miss the least?

QUESTION 8: Which sentence best describes you?

• I fully trust this company to know what is best for me and all employees and customers.
• I am a filthy fucking communist who should not be trusted with scissors.

QUESTION 9: Do you often feel your coworkers are plotting against you?

QUESTION 10: Are you often right about that?

QUESTION 11: Are you a team player or a serial killer?

QUESTION 12: Why do you feel you would be a good fit for this company? Please refrain from sobbing onto the page.

QUESTION 13: Write your employment history, from birth to the present. Explain any wasteful periods without employment. Infancy is an unacceptable excuse.

You have 8.3 seconds to answer this 100-question questionnaire