ammit420:

*lawyer voice* eat a dick, your honor

ok funny story time. my grandfather was a defense lawyer. he was also a horrible person, but that’s another story for another time. anyway – he was an asshole, professionally and personally. anyone that ever knew him will tell you that, and nothing illustrates his personality better than what he said once to a judge that charged him with contempt of court. this was back in the… oh, sixties or seventies, somewhere in that range, just to give you an idea. I don’t know what my grandfather had done, but the judge right there told him “I’m fining you ten dollars for contempt of court.” and my grandfather – straight up, without skipping a beat – looked the judge in the eye, and said, “ten dollars does not begin to cover the contempt I feel for this court.” The judge rolled with it, said, “how about a hundred?” and my grandfather, not being a complete idiot, nodded and went, “yes, that’ll about do it.” and that, dear friends, is the story of how my asshole grandfather effectively told a judge to eat a dick.