siderealsandman:

I’m done arguing with “Millennials are killing the X industry” thinkpieces now I’m just gonna cop to whatever they’re trying to blame on me

like yeah you got me Helen, it’s not like I’m broke or anything I just have a deep-seated and passionate hatred for breakfast cereal and will not rest until I drive the industry into the ground and replace it with the budget granola industry

golf courses? fuck em. fabric softener? fuck it. department stores? nah, it’s not that we can get anything we want online these days, I just want to dance in the flaming rubble of every Macy’s store in the country while taking selfies for my Instagram account.

you got me, Helen, i am the industry murdering millennial who won’t be happy until everything suburban america stands for is washed away in the flood of my twenty-something hipster malice.