complaininginthedark:

“I want to marry you.”

The words were softly spoken, not a whisper but quiet enough that Thomas would have missed them if he hadn’t been leaning on James’ chest. His first thought was of Miranda, asleep in bed just down the hall. He was already married. He had been for years, and James was a man, how would it be possible?

“I know it can’t happen,” James continued as if hearing Thomas’ thoughts, “but I still want it. I want to bind myself to you forever, both of you, and fuck anyone who tries to get in the way.”

There was a quiver in his voice, his arms tightening around Thomas on the guest bed. Thomas felt himself shiver in response. He imagined himself in white, James matching him, and tears came to his eyes.

“I want it too, love,” he whispered, burying his face in James’ neck and breathing in his scent.

James kissed the top of his head. “I can’t stand the thought of being away from you. I want you with me when I go to Nassau…”

Thomas leaned up, bringing their lips together, and pressed his forehead to his lover’s. “I know, I know. But I can’t go… not yet. But when you return I’ll be here, and we can go together. A new life in the Bahamas with no one to answer to but ourselves.”

They lay in silence, bathed in love and one another’s warmth, and Thomas imagined them growing old together. James took his hand a moment later and pressed something to his palm.

“James, what-”

“I can’t marry you in the eyes of the law, possibly not even in the eyes of God, but I can damned well marry you in my own eyes.”

It was a ring, a tarnished silver with the image of an anchor and a dove on it. Large, too large for his ring finger on either hand, and heavy. Thomas held his breath as he slipped it on his thumb. He kissed James fiercely, pressing himself to the man he loved until he thought they might become one being.

“I love you,” he breathed into the space between them, “now and forever. Gods, James I- I’ll marry you. We’ll retire and live quietly, the three of us, and you’ll never leave again.”

James hugged him tightly, his breath unsteady where it hit Thomas’d neck. He was shaking, Thomas was too, with the idea of it. Their happiness was almost in reach and Thomas wanted nothing more than to stay with James forever and eternity.

They didn’t sleep. Thomas made plans in his mind of their future; a small cottage, maybe poultry and a garden, James in his bed and wearing a ring on his finger, the two of them waking to one another every morning without fear of being discovered… he saw it all so clearly in his mind it was almost a shock when James had to leave for his own lodgings just before sunup. They kissed, grasping at each other desperately with the need to feel once more before separation.

Thomas fiddled with the ring all day. Miranda saw, but said nothing. She had no doubt understood it’s meaning and Thomas was grateful for her silence on the matter. He didn’t know how to talk to her about this, not yet.

But when James returned they would talk, and they would never be apart again.