Dear Coworker,

No, I do not need to do task X immediately. I need you to back the fuck off and let me handle emails in my own time the way I do with you, especially emails that literally just came in a minute ago while I was audibly handling a different problem for another Type A personality asshat. I don’t jump on you and tell you you need to handle request Y immediately and I expect the same courtesy you overbearing ************* (note: we are sorry. the author of this note appears to have shorted out from sheer rage).