candlewinds:

me: I understand this is the place cowards come to beg forgiveness from a king. sign your name to sleep easy, thinking all your sins have been absolved. but some sins even a king can’t make clean. you…ALL of you…every last rotten fuck on this island has crossed a man far less forgiving than old george will ever be. [dramatically] I COME AS HIS RIGHT HAND. I come on a mission of mercy, to show you a path to his forgiveness. I COME ON BEHALF OF CAPTAIN FLINT.

my mom: ………………do you have to do this every time you enter a room