-Beliving that none of your friends actually want to be your friend and they hate being near you
-Hating normal things because they were used to mock you
-Having to seek constant validation for your existance
-Remembering particular insults you’ve been called for years and will probably never forget them
-Beliving you’re too ugly for anyone to ever love
-Not wanting to go to a new school/further education because you know the same thing will happen there
-Having your parents tell you that you’re only being ‘teased’
-Having people wash their hands in disgust if they accidentally touch you.Remember, you don’t have to feel all of these to understand
-Having people say you like someone as a way to gross that someone out
-Never quite trusting anyone.
-Having people ask you out as a dare
-”They’re only making fun of you ‘cause they’re jealous!”
-”He’s only mean to you ‘cause he’s got a crush on you!”
-Having to deal with bullshit ‘zero tolerance’ policies-being told you’ll be happy in college only to discover that people don’t change
-believing that if you’re not way more successful and happier than everyone who ever bullied you then you’re worthless and they’ve won
-constantly evaluating yourself looking for the thing that made the abuse happen and falling into a spiral of self-loathing
-never quite being able to believe you didn’t deserve it somehow
-constantly expecting it to happen again and so never properly relaxing into any situation– being told that you’re imagining it, that those people are really nice
– being expected to respect your bullies by everyone because of their social position
– being invited to join a group only to be the target of their insults and mockery
– having half-chewed food rubbed in your hair and juice poured into your bags
– waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting for it all to happen again and inevitably driving people away because you are too paranoid and wary
– being spit on
– never noticing when people are checking you out because you learned to tune out the snickers and the faces and the looks of people who called you ugly or worse
– being expected to report those bullies by teachers and administrators who didn’t understand that reporting would only gain you hate from even more people
– flinching away from unexpected touch because it was never, never a good thing when someone got that close to you.
– not being able to reminisce about high school shenanigans because you don’t have those kind of memories
– becoming forgettable – walking with hunched shoulders, eyes down, invisible, you don’t see me, I’m not here, there’s nothing here to go after, until people do genuinely start to overlook you, to look past you
– or, alternatively, scaring people, because you’ve developed a hard-eyed, don’t fuck with me I’ll fuck with you right back stare and a walk that promises death until you can’t shake it, can’t stop making yourself too frightening to approach, to hurt.
Meg's Mumbles 