what your favorite ancient roman says about you

shamecar:

rincewitch:

thoodleoo:

caesar: you’re really into the military and political reform, or you just like the ablative absolute a little too much

antony: you are an actual human disaster

augustus: either you’re really artsy and love the roman aesthetic or the propaganda got to you

catullus: it’s impossible to tell what’s more of a mess, your love life or your maturity level

nero: you have some seriously bad taste

cato the elder: you are a cabbage farmer, or you just really, really hate carthage

cicero: you are too salty for your own good sometimes

vergil: you are either a gentle forest spirit or a rabid imperialist, no in-between

horace: you just wanna chill and have a nice drink, or you just really, really hate trees

hadrian: you should probably try studying ancient greece instead

julian the apostate: you read decline and fall of the roman empire and were all like hmm this reasoning for why the empire fell definitely still checks out. you have a vintage aesthetic tumblr and wonder if you were born in the wrong century

cincinnatus: the only thing you like more than saving the republic is farming. the only thing you like more than farming is farming in the nude

ovid: you got rich doing transformation commissions on furaffinity

sejanus: ok i don’t think there’s a single person whose actual favorite roman is sejanus but is it just me or was patrick stewart super hot as sejanus in i, claudius?????? i mean for real

aurelian: you listened to mike duncan’s the history of rome podcast and were convinced of aurelian’s high Value Over Replacement Emperor stat

diocletian: you try to micromanage every aspect of your life in order to fix the problems you see all around you and think that if everyone just did their job everything would work out. but nobody else gets it and you just watch while everything falls apart anyway

sulla: you’re like the diocletian person except you died before everything fell apart again so you’re smugger about it

marius: you know a lot about roman military history. you mention individually numbered legions in casual conversation as if that will mean anything to anyone ever. you saw a portrayal of republican roman soldiers in the iconic lorica segmentata of later rome and cried

trebonianus gallus: you’ve been to the met and seen that hilarious statue of him in “heroic nudity”

pliny the elder: your hobbies include natural history and being killed by a volcano

incitatus: you are a horse

julius nepos: you instinctively pick sides in arbitrary historical disputes and then fight to the death for them. you know the name of the current pretender to every abolished monarchy in europe. when somebody says the roman empire fell in 476 you go, “um, actually”, but in a way even more annoying than byzantine enthusiasts

justinian, alexios komnenos, [insert byzantine here]: ha ha, very clever

martial: you love dick jokes and probably laugh at the word ‘succ’

marcus aurelius: you’ve grown progressively world-weary over the years and have a soft spot for repressing your own emotions

caracalla: you don’t know what smiling is and have never smiled a day in your life

didius julianus: you have no shame and firmly believe that money can buy happiness

pupeinus: let’s be honest you probably only like him because his name basically sounds like ‘poop butt’

caligula: chill